Like a Blister in the Sun

The bad news is that we’re destroying the planet. The good news, if you want to call it that, is that there may be a mini-ice age coming, so by some odd quirk of fate, there is the unlikely possibility that it will all balance out. I’m not saying that you should go buy a fleet of Hummers anytime soon or light up a stack of used tires, but there’s plenty of data to indicate that sunspots appear in cyclical patterns and that these patterns correspond with specific periods of climate change. 

The Hale Cycle, for example, is approximately 22 years long, while the Gleissberg Cycle is about 88 years. Cycles that bear the last names of other scientists either further divide these intervals or multiply them, and some of these broader patterns indeed point to a correlation between a prolonged lack of sunspots and the cooling of the earth’s surface. 

The period in which there is the least solar activity is called the minimum, the most recent of which was termed the “Maunder Minimum,” which sounds like it could also be the name of a shitty emo band. Although scientists have yet to prove direct causation between fewer sunspots and lower global temperatures, there is strong evidence that points to a connection. 

The last time this happened was between 1645 and 1715, which roughly coincides with what is often called the “Little Ice Age” that hit Europe, North America and Asia. Trust me, it sounds way more adorable than it actually is. If these patterns remain consistent, some scientists think that the next minimum may happen again in the 2030s.

So I guess now might be a good time to invest in snow shovels.