Happy New Year

Soon we can all say good riddance to 2016. If that’s not something to celebrate, then I don’t know what is. Here in the U.S., we have a tradition of getting drunk with the television on. On New Year's Eve, we get the added bonus of watching a live broadcast of a big shiny object as it steadily descends from the top of a tower to the bottom, where it then becomes super sparkly. 

It is pure spectacle.

"I can't stop cheering. It's so... shiny."

It's also a little weird if you think about it.

With that in mind, here are some New Year traditions from around the world that may also seem strange:

Spain

In Spain, if you want to have good luck in the coming year, you have to eat twelve grapes (either all at once or in rapid succession) at the stroke of midnight. However, if you choke and die, that’s considered bad luck.

Chile

It is common for people in Chile to spend the night in the cemetery on New Year's Eve, sleeping near the graves of loved ones. So if you think the party that you’ve been invited to sucks, remember: at least you’ve got a toilet and you’re not surrounded by rotting corpses. 

Denmark

Danes often break plates to celebrate the New Year, a tradition that I suspect may have originated at the very sneaky suggestion of a consortium of dinnerware manufacturers. Their industry is no doubt highly lucrative this time of year. 

As you can see, these plates are all at least 25% off.

Switzerland

The New Year's tradition in Switzerland is to drop ice cream on the floor all day. Why? Because fuck ice cream. And floors. My guess is that the makers of fine Swiss ice cream got wind of the dinnerware racket over in Denmark and wanted a piece of that action. 

Mr. Clean may have been in on it, too.

Mr. Clean's mafia connections have never been proven.

Belgium and Romania

In both of these countries, there is a tradition to talk to one’s cows at the new year. If they respond, you will have bad luck for next twelve months. Also, one hell of a hangover. On the bright side, you may have also befriended a talking bovine with which to share many magical adventures. 

South Africa

In parts of South Africa, people throw furniture out their windows to celebrate the new year. Out with last year's trash to make room for something new. College students, take note: all the free used furniture you can take, and it's literally falling from the sky. The only catch is that you have to go to South Africa to get it. Winter break 2018! 

Colombia

The New Year's tradition for many Colombians is that if they want to do any traveling in the coming year, then they should carry around packed suitcases all day. It makes you wonder how many of them get left in bars that night or mixed up with somebody else's. There are probably some funny stories in there. Actually, the idea of having a suitcase on New Year's Eve isn't even that crazy of an idea, because you never know where the evening will take you. Of course, in the U.S., if you accidentally leave your luggage somewhere, somebody's probably calling Homeland Security.  

Happy New Year!

Wherever you are in the world, I wish you a happy new year. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. 

A long time ago, I made the resolution of not making any more resolutions. Personally, I think it's better to set some realistic goals for yourself instead. Resolutions are for quitters. Instead, pick something that you want to be better at by the end of the year or something that you hope to accomplish. You could even make a list. If, by this time next year, you have achieved at least one of those things, then you'll indeed have something to celebrate. Besides, a little bit of pride is good for you. 

May your lives be filled with beauty, knowledge and laughter. 

Cheers!