President Zero

While George Washington is usually thought of as the first President of the United States, that distinction actually goes to a guy named John Hanson, who was the first to be elected under the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union (the full name of the document, also known as the prequel to the Constitution), which established the federal government as the binding agent that makes these States United. On March 1, 1781, the Articles of Confederation officially created the U.S. as an internationally recognized entity and established the President as its chief executive authority. John Hanson was the first person to be elected to this role. 

Pictured here stealing silverware.

Unfortunately for Hanson, it would still be another seven years before the Constitution was ratified, at which point the President would be given considerably more power, as well as serve longer terms and receive more than a footnote in history books. 

Twenty cents. Really?

Basically, John Hanson is like the Pabst Blue Ribbon of American history, which is to say that he was President before it was even cool. He is also responsible for making Thanksgiving a national holiday, thereby causing bloating and indigestion for millions of Americans... again, just like PBR.

In case you’re keeping score, Washington got a state, the capital, quarters, one dollar bills, our most phallic national monument, and a prime spot on Mount Rushmore, all because he happened to be the first person to be President of the United States after the Constitution was signed. As a consolation prize, John Hanson got to be the topic of today's blog article. So you tell me who got screwed.